If a tree falls in the forest...

….and no one is around to hear it….does it make a sound?

What a curious, restricted, typical human-centric view of the world. Of course it makes a sound!  

The sharp noise of the trunk splitting open under pressure, the rustle of the leaves on a crown that tries to reach for the sky to remain upright, one by one the branches crack until the roots give up, and with a heavy sigh the whole towering structure collapses to the ground, shaking other trees around it, flattening young saplings.

Of course the tree made a sound when it fell, if anything, the other trees heard it and shuddered.

The real question is…what makes us ignore it?

Could it be that we only listen to the sound of our own voices? Could it be the droning of the same old narratives on endless repeat?  

Could it be a metaphoric ear wax build up that dulls the sounds through progressive hearing loss, but that we decide to accept, because looking at the gunk (that trite list of excuses not to listen) smeared on the cotton bud is just too gross and upsetting?

The 19th of November has come and gone, did it make a sound? Did anybody hear it? Who listened?

19th November marks International Men’s Day ( https://ukmensday.org.uk/imduk-24/), a day where the focus is on men and boys, an opportunity to bring to light the struggle of what it means to be male, the pressure of having to fit a role culture and society bestowed upon them, the expectations of unfaltering strength under any circumstance that are heartless as they are unrealistic.

Procreate, Protect, Procure… this is all a man is required to do, simple and easy, why all the fuss?

I grew up as most little girls, slurping the narrative that girls smell of sugar and spice and everything nice, while boys urghhh…boys smell of slugs and snails and puppy dog tails.

At a young age we are spoon fed this sweet narrative but what appears to be icing sugar is more akin to rat poison.

Disgust over these ‘smelly’ boys in my childhood years becomes anger as a young feminist morphing into contempt over the years.  

All the things men could do that I could not, only because I was a ‘silly little woman’.

How dare they control and limit my life with their decrepit patriarchal views and ludicrous self-declared superiority when I was often ‘better’ than they were?

Considering the man belittling I hear to this day I hardly feel I was rattling in this cage alone.

And yet, even while I was proclaiming these words out loud, I felt there was something wrong.

If all this was true, then why do many boys and men I encounter over the years not fit the story I was taught? Beautiful, funny, resourceful, respectful, creative, sensitive humans that fill my life with joy and love.

And by the same token, why do many girls and women do not even come close to the idea of the caring, supportive, nurturing and kind idealistic view sold by the same archaic patriarchal fable?

Coud it just be that we have all been lied to? Could it be that we should look beyond the shape and appendages of our bodies and only see the human within?

Girls and women, we have a choice to make. I made mine years ago, join me.

Stop the finger pointing, the abrasive empty rhetoric, the endless talk of ‘toxic masculinity’ as if it were ingrained in boys and men’s DNA.

We all share the same dreams, fears, joy and sadness, a need to be seen for who we are, a wish to be held when scared, a desire to be told ‘it will be ok’ when life overwhelms us, a want for the warmth of another human wiping our tears.

So stop facing men in anger, and move to the side of a boy or man in you life, hold their hand, look into their eyes and fight together for the right to be who we want to be as humans.

Listen to the talk of the trees, watch them sway in the same storms we go through our own lives, do not ignore the sound of splitting trunks, build supports to keep the canopies alive and healthy and watch how the forest comes to life.